i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Oh god it's open bar.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
