im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
