i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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