Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
