I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
