found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My vagina is officially offended.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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