I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
