She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I didn't shave. On purpose
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
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