I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize