Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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