if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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