my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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