If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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