yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
