So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize