Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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