The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
