You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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