you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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