yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
