hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
