She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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