You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
