Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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