I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm at about main and main street
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
