You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
