you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
