SEEEEXXX PLEASE
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
