she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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