Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
