I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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