I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
