There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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