my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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