i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize