I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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