The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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