I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
