drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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