Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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