you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I want to fling myself into the sun
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
