Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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