The maid of honor just puked.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize