He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
