"it" just moved
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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