Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
