Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
