if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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