"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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