Acid is not a monday night drug
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize