oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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