I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
