I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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