I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i think my tv is drunk
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
