I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
