I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Semen is not good for contacts.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
