Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
