just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
