i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
