Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
