sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize