Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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