I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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