Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
