They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
