sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
