Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
