She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
