my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
