There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
