Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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