ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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