And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
