We named our party play list daddy issues
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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