The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
