im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My hand turned me down
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
