What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
