Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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