Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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