You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
