using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
