Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
