He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
