My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
