saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
