I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
