I am in a vortex of obligation.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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