***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
