Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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