yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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