so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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