why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
