he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
