I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
