We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
