so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
