WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
