dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
And then he peed in my hair
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