I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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