She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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