Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
We need to rekindle our bromance
her facebook's as public as her vagina
vagina is talking i cant
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
