So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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