Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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