He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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