So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
