I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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