I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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