PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
