We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
