I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He has the fingertips of a God
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
